Anyone doing the opposite role is not just a role swop

For Ladies – it’s going to have different challenges for you leading other ladies and ladies leading men.

For Men – equally for men becoming followers being lead by a lady, will have it’s own and different, challenges too.

Men leading Men – is for another article.  However there is more on Leading Skills for both Men & Ladies – here

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It’s now emerging that as well as ladies learning to lead, more men also want to learn to follow.

Men – maybe because you want a new challenge or wanting to expand your tango skills, or perhaps just how to become a more sympathetic leader yourself. Whatever the reason, you will have some new challenges to overcome: emotional and psychological in addition to the more obvious physical and technical.

You need to be taught your technique properly just as any follower does, and especially how to support your weight and find a way of keeping your own axis and your energy light.  You cannot lean on the lady’s upper body, especially to execute movements such as pivoting.

For men – the biggest psychological hurdle for you is, quite simply, letting go of the desire to lead – to become totally receptive and not to expect or anticipate what’s coming next.

You need to learn to listen to the lead from the lady leader and respond supportively – not to initiate or anticipate.  This is not easy, it will not feel natural, and it will take time and work.  But it’s a major factor for any male leader to overcome who wants to learn to become a good follower.

By way of a short story, I’ll offer an experience I had with a man who had been learning to follow.  I didn’t know him at all, and he asked me to lead him at a Milonga.  Part way through the dance I had to release the embrace and the man almost fell backwards, which was a clear sign his weight and energy wasn’t with me.  He looked rather astonished and said:  “What?”  I said: “Two things, you’re leading and you’re not listening”.   I explained that he was leading himself thinking he knew what I was going to be doing next or, I should say, what he would have done had he been leading!  I said I cannot fight his weight trying to hold him in an embrace. His arms were pushing against my embrace which made him feel extremely heavy.  Also, as he wasn’t listening to the lead his attention was not centred on me at all – it around the room which meant we had no real connection to each other.

Ladies – leading men there will be differences in weight, strength and energy distribution.  To lead men successfully, whether with a regular partner, or someone unfamiliar, both need to be taught their respective roles properly from the beginning.  Let’s face it, this is a completely new way of dancing for you both.

The one thing the man is unlikely to wear is stilettoes!  He may have Cuban or ‘Talon Frances’ (similar to cowboy) heels.  Mostly though, he will be in his normal low-heel dancing shoes.

Ladies – be aware that leading men can be unexpectedly challenging, if not damaging for you.  Most importantly, you could end up with serious aches and pains and, it could even compromise your following technique if not taught properly.

Most likely he’ll be taller than you and almost certainly heavier.  Even if he is the same height as you, a man’s weight distribution is entirely different.

Men – you are grounded through your legs and feet and your power is in your upper bodies and shoulders.  All of which can make you feel heavy.  Learning how to adapt your axis is a crucial element in developing your skill as a follower, and don’t be surprised if you find a lady leading you is very different, tiring or even difficult.

Ladies – your power tends to be in your thighs, buttock and hips.  The lead is not from your upper body strength but more from subtle energy through the upper body.  Therefore it’s extremely important you have clarity in your lead and embrace.

Think how tenderly a male leader’s embrace is for you.  There is no reason to expect your embrace with your male follower to be any less tender.  For this reason, it’s better to keep to the salon-style embrace, which is close but relatively upright.

There are some major additional benefits in learning both roles:

Ladies – will become far less irritated with their male leaders, knowing more about the complexity of their role and becoming more sympathetic about the challenges they face.

Men – as a follower you will begin to have more awareness of how the lady’s body moves as a follower.  Allowing for the time it takes for her to execute her movements, and the importance of respecting her axis.

It’s a new Dance – it is good to be reminded that just because you both are already dancers and know your own roles, you both need to learn the opposite role as a new dance.  The advantage you both have is at least knowing what it is that’s being lead and followed.

Getting good tuition is essential.  A beginners class dedicated to ladies leading men, is in addition to a class with ladies leading ladies.

If you cannot find anyone to do this, perhaps we can help contact me – here