It can be tough out there on the tango scene. Being aware of some of the pitfalls you’ll come across, and learning essential tango social scene skills will at least will give you the chance in making your social dance experience a little more enjoyable.  So let’s take a light-hearted look at the ‘Inner Game of Tango Dynamics’.

Tango isn’t fair and it isn’t a democracy. Be under no illusion that there’s any notion of equality about Tango.

First of all there is the gender imbalance.  Unlike the Golden Age of Tango in Buenos Aires, where the men severely outnumbered the ladies, in the UK male tango dancers are in the minority, and whenever there is a minority of any ‘item of value’ there will be an element of competition over the scarce resource.

Happily, more ladies are now leading (more details about that – here).  If you get asked by a lady leader, accept it – she’ll already be a good dancer and well known on the circuit, then you’ll be seen as a dancer.

It’s an aspect of the UK culture that it’s more ageist than many European countries. Ladies can be disadvantaged because of their age. I know of ladies who will not disclose their age in fear of never being asked to dance.

It’s a sad fact that the age demographics of Tango in the UK is not that healthy and continuing to rise. When I began Tango I was in my 50s.  Now alongside all those who were already dancing or began with me, we are now in our 70s and more! As fewer young people are being attracted to Tango, it means there’s a lot more older people, especially ladies, who are now dancing. The one exception to this is in the larger cities and the main university towns.

Those who do manage to fit in and thrive the social scene, are usually either well known on the Tango circuit, are either younger, look fabulous when they’re dancing, feel great to dance with, dress alluringly, able to ‘work the hall’ – it could be any one, or all of these things, or more.

Other mere mortals have to work harder to be noticed an accepted.

There is a certain amount of emotional resilience to survive on the Tango circuit.

A key skill is your ability to work the hall. Move around and sit somewhere else or stand just inside a doorway to the hall where leaders will see you, even if they’re on their way to the toilet or kitchen.  Go for a cup of tea and perhaps strike up a conversation.

Try not to engross yourself in conversations or huddle in groups of ladies talking.  Keep an eye on the surroundings just in case.

How you look when you dance is what’s appealing.  Get good coaching, practise often and get videos taken of yourself dancing.  Ensure your balance and axis isn’t going to stress your leader (more about that – here). You may feel wonderful dancing, but if it looks clumsy without good technique that’s what’s being seen.

The (dreaded) Cabecceo – explaining about this in-depth will be dealt in a separate article, but briefly, it’s an import from Buenos Aires so a man can ask a lady to dance, without actually asking her.  It’s a face-saving device for the men, so they can avoid the embarrassment of being publicly refused by the lady.

The “Mirada” (the look) means the leader making eye contact with a prospective partner from a safe distance and smiling, possibly with a subtle nod towards the dance floor.  The invitation is accepted by the lady returning the eye contact and smiling back with a little nod.  That part is the actual Cabacceo – the nod.

However, this isn’t always as successful in the UK.  For many experienced dancers it can work very well, but equally many find it challenging.

Halls are not necessarily lit sufficiently to see properly. Obstacles and people get in the way.  Older eyesight is impaired enough to make it difficult to even see across the room, let alone focusing on something as small as eyes!  Some halls are wide and others long and thin, all adding to the difficulty.

Ladies who are comfortable with the Cabecceo are usually familiar with the event and dancers. They’ll have many friends, and know how to work the hall looking avidly to catch someone’s eye, even turning it into being fun and humorous.

But – it doesn’t always work and by far the most embarrassing for a lady is when you think someone has cabecceo’d you, only to discover it’s the lady sitting next to you!  So much for a facing-saving device for us!

A number of times people have come up at the end of an event and said to me “I’ve been trying to Cabecceo you for ages”!  Perhaps just being aware that the Cabecceo can be difficult because these problems do exist.

Choose your events wisely, especially in the early days. Find the friendlier events such as afternoon dances, Práctilongas (see more about Práctilongas – here), which are more relaxed and inclusive and a good place to meet friendly people.

The more formal events have rules which you need to abide by.  Good floorcraft is essential at any event, and many events prefer the Cabecceo being the norm.

It’s advisable to go or meet up with friends, the more you’re seen at regular events the better your chances.  A good idea is to make sure that at least one of your group is male. Once you’re seen as a dancer, you do stand a better chance of being asked.  It doesn’t always work, it really depends on the graciousness of the leaders and the gender balance.

In defence of the leaders – they are not taxi dancers! They need their breaks and cannot dance every tanda.  Their age or medical condition is often against them as well.  If you see them sitting out, they’re either resting their bodies; needing refreshments or cooling down; they don’t care for that particular music selection; just looking at the dancers; or perhaps deciding who they’re going to ask to dance next. They often have their favourite dance partners and they’ll make sure to dance with them first, so be patient.

A percentage of leaders will themselves be quite new to dancing, a few will be experienced, but sadly some are a liability either through poor teaching, bad floorcraft, not doing any proper classwork, or simply not respecting the style of the event.

If your first impression of him was dread and feeling very uncomfortable about accepting a dance with him, just advert your eyes with the Cabecceo refusal.

If he actually asks you, try to have a sentence or two up your sleeve, for instance “thank you so much for asking, but I don’t think our dance style is compatible”.

You need to take care and protect yourself and your dance (more about that here).

Pre-Milonga class or workshop – you may not learn a great deal, and it will be an extra expense.  But these are usually open classes and invariably will be a sequence.  However, it’s a very useful way of getting to know the participants.  They’ll frequently change partners so you will get to dance with many of them, then you stand a greater chance in the following social event of being asked to dance.

Get to know your class dancers and go where they’re suggesting. You may be lucky to strike up a friendship with a compatible male leader and go together as dance partners.

Teachers will have ideas of which events would be suitable in the early days, and social media is the best place for events to be advertised.